Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
