the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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