Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he told me I talked like a deaf person
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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