Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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