Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
