captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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