Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
