You're my little dorito
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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