It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
