A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
