We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
