I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
