I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
