your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
