They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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