that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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