its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
