Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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