help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
