No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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