i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
