Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
