just come out here and I will go home with you...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
