Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
