Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My bed smells like the plague
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
