It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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