They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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