Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
