he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
