Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
