found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
