I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
