Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
