Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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