i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize