Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I die, sorry about rent.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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