I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
