Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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