quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
