is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
