Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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