I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
please come you make the beer taste better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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