I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
