That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
