I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
