woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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