I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pooping to opera.
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