every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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