why didn't you poke me back
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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