I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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