i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
