o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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