Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
