Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
