not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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