I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
