my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
