can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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