apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
