she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
