This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
