ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
