just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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