I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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