Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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