I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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