I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
