i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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