Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
