Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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