We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
