textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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