Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
