Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
