Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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