Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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