after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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