I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
