First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
